last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I did not marry a roomba.
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