I wish I could teleport
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
so much tequila, so little girl.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
