I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
