remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
