i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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