i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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