tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
