Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
