Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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