i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
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