She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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