I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
