I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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