I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
