I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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