Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
