Please, let me fuck your mom
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
you win again, gameday.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
