we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
