Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
