After last night, I could never be a politician.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Everyone says I win the strip club
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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