You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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