So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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