I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
