he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
