he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
