How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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