Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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