I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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