Your tits are I can't wait for
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
