I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
its liver damage thursday
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