apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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