I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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