I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
