I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
