I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
