If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
