OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
