You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
