ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
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