I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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