Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
