Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
