First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
