I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Randomize
