i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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