His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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