I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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