i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
