you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I don't deserve a penis
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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