people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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