I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
