if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
